Sweaty, Smelly and Grunty

So I go to the gym every day, when I feel like it a few times a week, and I have noticed the normal influx of New Year Resolutions gym goers (1).  As the crowd at the gym grows, you start to notice things about people more and more.  You can tell the faithful from the firstimers (2).  There are a few people that have stood out to me most though.

1. Really Sweaty Guy: The other day on a guy hopped onto the elliptical next to me.  After 20 minutes, I noticed that he was really working on up a sweat to the point that it was pouring (3) off of him.  After 45 minutes on the elliptical, Mr. Sweaty McSweaterson was finally done.  There was literally a pool of sweat around the elliptical. Thankfully Really Sweaty Guy did take his towel and mop up the lake of liquid around the machine (4).  
2. Barbie: Barbie comes every Tuesday and Thursday and walks on the treadmill.  You can also smell Barbie before you see her. After hopping on the treadmill next to me last week, I almost hacked up a lung because of her perfume.  Not only does Barbie smell like a Perfumania, but she wears more makeup than any person I have ever seen at 6am (5).
3. Grunty Muscle Man: Every gym has a Mr. Grunty as a regular.  He is the ripped guy (6) that makes awkward and uncomfortable noises that would suggest he is having a hernia.  Mr. Muscle Man is also notoriously bad about dropping weights on the ground after he is finished with them to emphasize how much he was lifting.

 Although these individuals can be distracting, if it weren't for Sweaty, Smelly and Grunty (7), what else would keep me entertained on the stationary bike?

1.  It's okay they only have 2 more weeks until they give up and the ellipticals are all mine again. 
2. Mostly from the extreme panting while walking on the treadmill 
3. No literally pouring in streams
4. Note to self do not use Elliptical #4
5. Except for in Vegas...lots of makeup and for that matter lots of perfume too.
6. Or sometimes a guy that wishes he was ripped
7. Like my own little dwarfs of the gym